The Great Escape Attempt of 2009

Sometimes I see people do things so dumb that all I can do is stand and stare. There needs to be a class in high school that teaches people how to use impulse control.

We have several problem bar/clubs in our downtown area and it is common for fights to break out. When this happens we try to take everyone involved to jail. I've found that if we hook up the assholes fast, it serves as a warning to everyone else who wants to act stupid. Sometimes...

So this one night we had our normal mini-riot and we arrested so many that we had to bring out the arrest wagon. There was one guy who kept coming up to us and begging for us to release his brother. This dude was drunk but he wasn't violent. He really upset that his brother was going to jail and just wanted to see him "one more time". I tried to explain that we weren't going to execute the guy or anything. Heck, he would probably be out of jail before I get off work.

I slapped the side of the wagon and told the driver to roll out. As the arrest wagon started moving up the street, our drunk guy yells, " I FUCKING LOVE YOU BRO!! I'M COMING!!"

I watched in amazement as the drunk leap up on the step of the back of the wagon and started trying to open the back doors. Lucky for us, the doors lock automatically and you need a key to open them. This drunk ass was yanking on the door with all his might and yelling to his brother that he had come to get him.

I looked around and every cop on the scene was just staring with their mouths open. Every cop that is except the wagon driver who didn't know what was going on. He kept on driving with this monkey on his back. Finally a couple of bike units zipped up there and yanked this guy off the wagon. He did accomplish half his mission though. He got to be with his brother again as he rode to jail with a felony charge of attempted escape.

It was a very daring attempt but you can't beat Masterlock.